If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
