He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
