I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
