i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
