I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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