i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
