I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Michael Bay diarrhea
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
