last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize