Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
