she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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