Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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