Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
