But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
