After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
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she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
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This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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