Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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