woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
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the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
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They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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