I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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