so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
