Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
