The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize