girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
