you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch