Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
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I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
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Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.