i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
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Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
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I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on