apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize