I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.