Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
