Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Randomize
