There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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