everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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