Swine flu is the new snow day.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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