Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
