her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
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In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
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Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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