Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize