there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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