So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
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drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
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You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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