Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
