she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3