He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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