i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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