he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize