This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
