I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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