Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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