now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Welp...herpes.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
