I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
