I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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