Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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