im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize