Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
only you would photoshop your dick
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
