My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
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I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
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Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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