that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
