He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
