Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
