She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
