Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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