Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
