I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
