Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
