she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
