I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
