Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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