are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
