i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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