You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
