Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
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I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
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Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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