And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
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Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
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I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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