please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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