And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
