The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
