I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
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