Where is the hickey?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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