Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
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It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
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I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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