he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
